True Friendships

Friendship makes the world go round. 

At the end of It's a Wonderful Life, Clarence the angel writes to George "Remember, no man is a failure who has friends..." What makes a true friend? My opinion of this has changed throughout my life. As a child it was based on who was more fun to be with. As a young adult it was who's doing something interesting, someone I could look up to and live vicariously through. Now my needs have changed. Yes I still like to surround myself with interesting people, but the friendships which have stood the test of time are now tested differently. 

Who is there. Period. Who is there to listen. Listening, truly listening is an underrated skill. People are still in the "impressing" stage, as it's more of an attention getter. But listening is where the precious gem, the diamond in the raw deep within the earth, lies. One author puts it as "holding space." When a friend is going through a crisis, sometimes all they need is to air their thoughts without judgement or advice. Easier said than done. As humans we are programmed to solve. Being quiet seems counterintuitive. But if the friendship is true, the needs of the friend outweigh the needs of the listener. Some people are better listeners than others, and perhaps it's a skill which can be learned over time. 

Personally speaking, and since I'm blogging I get to try to impress you... I work in geriatrics, and have become great at listening. My clients are living out the last chapter of their lives and there is so much to be said. Truth is, much of what they say IS interesting, and were it not for keeping my mouth shut, I might miss some true gems. Friendship is a gem, and you will find that when you approach your later years, the number of true friends diminishes. This is not a bad thing. It's a good thing. Quality not quantity. I would take one precious friend's padded shoulder and sympathetic ear over a million "interesting" friends any day.

- Fernanda Ohayon